Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
