Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
