Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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