I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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