You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
