I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You don't make any sense
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