getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
