he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
