sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize