Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
