If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
