That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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