new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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