R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
