He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
