dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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