you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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