I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
