Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
