There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
