does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
