My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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