none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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