Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
