He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
