I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
