Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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