his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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