He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
