His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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