Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
is it fun? or sober?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
