you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
