and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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