dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you had me at cake vodka
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
