i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didn't shave. On purpose
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
