If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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