My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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