did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
