I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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