a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
