fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
