Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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