11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
