Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
