I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
