he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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