I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
