I wannas sexs uuuuu
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
