Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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