you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
