I just pynch a tree in the face
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We are two peas in an std pod
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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