Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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