What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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