I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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