Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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