I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
