I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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