you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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