That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
