So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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