The maid of honor just puked.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
