i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
