I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
