Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
