In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
