I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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